just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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