i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
