He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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