so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
