I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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