Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
