Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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