at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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