Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
