Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
