we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
