sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
