She is in my trunk
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
