They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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