He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
