Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Couch. On fire.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
