Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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