You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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