The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
