Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize