I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
