his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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