I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
