I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
