i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
not ubering you a puppy
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
