There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The air was thick with penises
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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