Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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