I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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