Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Barsexuality is the new black.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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