oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
