he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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