OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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