and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
