i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
