I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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