At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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