it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
