Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
