I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
