friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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