I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
