Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
