If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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