So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
