Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
