Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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