I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
