Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Randomize
