I haven't been this sober since birth.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
