clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
