My first STD was from a foam party
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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