What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
