My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
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