hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
MIDGETS
????
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
