seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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