He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
