I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
