she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
