I bet he comes in French.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
