just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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