I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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