i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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