If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
